Hey there Star Spotters! Perry Stilton here back from sipping cocktails on private beaches to delve into the nest and peck out the latest Tweet treats from Twitter: The World of the Spotlight-Starved Celebrity..

One of the things I love about the Celebrity Twitterer is the reason they Tweet. The little darlings start by wanting to put the record straight and to show us, the fans, who the real person underneath is but then nearly always just end up confirming the media stereotype of themselves!

@LeonaLewis: “Y do they say ladybird here (in the UK) and ladybug in the US? I guess bug is more correct but bird is prettyerrrrrr!”   Oh my god, is this what’s goes on in Leona Lewis’ head. How boring?  *Yawn. Clicks ‘Unfollow’*

@KanyeWest : sometimes I push the door close button on people running towards the elevator. I just need my own elevator sometimes, my 7 floor sanctuary. Kanye continues to do his best to convince us that he’s a nice person who always thinks of others before his impenetrable ego.

@Wyclef : Taking off on my way to Haiti me and my family About to make the biggest decision of our life. He’s got my vote! Wyclef For President!  Finally, a celebrity passionate enough to really make a difference.

@JustinBieber : alot of u keep saying i dont do flirty tweets anymore …. dont worry u girls are always on my mind…and for those of u at the show tonight…u looked so beautiful i could do nothin but smile   As long as “u girls” don’t come to the house or push through my security guys then, yes, I’m smug enough to say I think you’re all beautiful….even the ugly ones.

@ParisHilton: “You create your future with the power of your intention. Intention is simply the conscious act of determining your future now.” Yes Paris, yeeeeeeeeeeesssssssssssssss. And it’s through using our noses that we breathe, by opening our eyes that we see and by squeezing that bears poo in the woods. It all seems so OBVIOUS now…. This isn’t a revelation anymore, honey!

@SpencerPratt: “Going to take a bath to wash all these scents of these beautiful women off me. To many different kinds of perfume on me. I smell like macys.” This annoys me so much, that I’m actually stuck for words.

@AliciaKeys: Random funny thought: Soon I wont be able to tie my shoes by myself! LOL! A pregnant Alicia Keys getting too big to tie her shoes is totally different from the reason when Mariah got too big to tie her shoes. Personal Shoe-Fitter anyone?

Since I’ve been away I’ve noticed the Agency has grown and continues to grow faster than a  rumor about  Justin Bieber’s sexuality so a big, enthusiastic ‘Hi’ to those new to the Tweet Dreams column. Drop me a comment or check out the older posts by clicking on the tags.

Love & Peas

Perri x x

Back with more views on the lives of the rich & famous – heeeeeres everyone’s favorite feather ruffler……Perri Stilton!

When celebrities fly onto the Twitter it goes one of two ways. They either tweet once and give up wondering what all the fuss was about or they tweet like their iPhones depend on it. A recent study by Harvard Business School actually showed that 10% of twitterers account for 90% of all tweets. But look, who cares! If they’re one-tweet-wonders or … er… twaddicts(!?) what we get is some priceless gossip to pick at from celebs desperate for their real personalities to be out there and in the eternal spotlight!

KhloeKardashian: “Another day… Another photo shoot! But this time my sisters and I are shooting the cover for our book that’s coming out.” Oh gawd, who’s paying the Kardashian sisters to write a flippin’ book? What’s it about? How to be a whole family of talentless wannabes? Me thinks their only involvement in the book is going to be this (no doubt ‘sexy & windswept’) photoshoot

ladygaga: Just saw three little monsters walk out of a chapel across the street from arena. Pre-monsterball confession or Easter? AMAZING. SO TWISTED. Our favorite crazy lady has finally flipped. It was only a matter of time before the fashion messed with her head.

joejonas: Thank you mom for my Easter basket. Made me and my tummy very happy. For 21 years of age you sound wetter than a day at Wimbledon. Man-up, mommy’s boy!

genesimmons: Went up to the Playboy Mansion w/ Ms Tweed for Easter Egg Hunt — an annual event where former Playmates bring their kids to hunt for eggs.     This has got to be all sorts of wrong. Do the former playmates bring their kids to try and find eggs or so they can see their various half brothers and sisters?!

LindsayLohan:  @samantharonson – is spencer pratt the long lost son of michael lohan #famewhores ? So much bitchiness in one sentence it’s difficult to know where to start but where’s the class in airing your dirty laundry in public. Very sad.

ParisHilton:   “At home getting ready for bed. I love my grandpa, we had such a lovely time with him and dinner tonite. He is the best grandpa in the world!  / “Been here since 6am, so tired. Can’t wait to finish and get home to my puppies. “    /    “I love deep tissue massages. So relaxing. Gonna go take a bubble bath now.” / “At my parents house watching a movie with Tinkerbell. She is such a cutie.” It’s hard to believe that Paris is 29 years old and mostly famous for making a sex tape. Grandpas, puppies, bubble baths, more puppies – Paris lives the life of a seven year old. She quite literally loves everyone and everything!

Until next time, my friends. Love to hear you views in the forums or comment here.

Love & Peas

Perri x

Here at Hot Gossip we like nothing more than flicking through the latest juice on the hottest celebs but with more & more scandal in more & more hyped-up magazines it’s getting harder & harder to find the real story.

In this series Perri Stilton takes an alternative look at the latest gossip spread across our glossy magazines and explores the worldwide obsession for celebrity by exposing the workings of an industry from the tireless hunt of the paparazzi to LA’s powerful PR machines.  These are the stories they don’t want you to hear.

Hi, again! Just like Mr Gold’s meeting with a top movie exec at The Ivy last month – the tables are turning. A gossip mag with a glass of white wine in the bath is somewhere near heaven for me. The cover stories, the camera snaps & the comments – I just love to see what my celebrity buddies are up to and what they’re rocking in the fashion stakes. But, something’s changed. The rise in candid, unflattering street photography has fed an ugly breed of pointless & lazy exposés. Who gives a hairy toss that Cameron Diaz has a spot on her cheek or Leonardo Di Caprio buys diapers on a Thursday afternoon? We deserve real gossip stories that wow, entertain & shock us.

I’m going to get in deep trouble over this but, for you and for the love of gossip, I’ll wear the mask of Superbitch & step into the lion’s den….

First off, the caption in this cover story says, “Becks wants a baby and a curvier wife but Posh is putting her career first. The strain shows as the couple make their way to the beach. Sources say Victoria has found it hard to deal with David feeling low about his injury.

Perri says, “After an injury stops David Beckham from playing in his last Soccer World Cup before he retires I don’t expect him to be overjoyed. The week before Victoria flew out from LA to Finland to be by his hospital bedside and now suddenly she is putting her career first, he wants a curvier wife and the marriage is on the rocks. Wow! Well, how can you argue – look at their faces! People in happy marriages smile permanently, surely?”

Next up, the ongoing Brangelina saga. The caption says – Angelina and the family booked out an Italian Island for Easter instead of visiting Brad’s mum & dad who they cancelled on at the last minute. Brad & his parents are now really mad that Angelina snubbed them & never makes the effort.

Perri says, “The tabloids have been trying to orchestrate a Brangelina split every week for years waiting for the ‘I-told-you-so’ moment. This time the mag manages to know the intimate details of the family’s plan for the Easter holidays. How can you book an entire Venetian Island Lagoon at Easter at the last minute and besides, Angelina’s currently filming The Tourist in Venice!?  Without phone tapping how on earth did they find out they cancelled on Brad’s parents at the last minute and quotes that Brad thinks Ange should have more respect for his family? Oh, hang on – “A Source”!  Maybe all this ‘friction’ explains his grumpy, dismissive attitude in the photo. Yeah, it must be.”

So, Rule No.1:  Fit a Pic that ‘proves’ the mood of the story or weave a story that fits round the purchased pap snap.

Hey Tweet Dreamers! Perri Stilton back with more rumblings from the fame hungry belly of Hollyweird.

I’ll kick off with a few anecdotes I heard over dinner the other night. Now, it’s the norm in Hollywood to say after meeting a star, however briefly, that you are great friends with them and then continue with story about them that is probably handed down through countless Chinese whispers but I got these little exclusive gems direct from a real legend in the movie industry so keep them to yourselves.

This guy was telling me some pretty wild stories from a couple of his visits to the Playboy Mansion in his slightly younger days and found himself discussing pick-up lines with the lothario himself, Hugh Hefner, to get some tips. And Hef’s favorite line? “My name is Hugh Hefner.” LOL!

He was also with another of his famous friends Nicole Kidman when she was honored with the 2,211th star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame in 2003. The normally strong, independent Aussie whispered in his ear later “I’ve never been so excited to have people walk all over me for the rest of my life!”.

Last one was about Russell Crowe who worked briefly (like any struggling actor) as a waiter. One day, a customer (an American woman who Russell found extremely annoying) ordered a cup of decaffeinated coffee. She was soon upset to see her waiter appear with a rather unexpected beverage. “This,” she crossly pointed out, “is just a cup of boiling water.” Crowe’s reply (for which he was immediately fired) “Lady, when we decaffeinate something in Australia, we don’t f**k around.”

OK, you’re gonna get me in trouble so on to this week’s tweets and this time, direct from the birdies’ mouths…

LindsayLohan: “Don’t most readers like the drama, rather than the happy ending? *Then again, there’s a reason i’m NOT a reader.”Don’t most actresses like drama too? *Maybe that’s the reason Lindsay is NOT an actress.

KimKardashian: “I feel like I am getting a cold, I will not let this happen to me!”Sadly, Kim, you can’t hire someone to be ill for you – celebrities are human too, remember?

Keshasuxx (Ke$ha): “okok. so ive never done any naked pics.. lol . that shits fake. thats not me. total bs. shes hot tho. n getting laid. good for that girl.Ke$ha. types. like. an. idiot. but I like her stance on tackling sex tape rumors.

RickyMartin: #quote Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter. Martin Luther King Jr. then a few days later…..

Whats going on gang?I’m doing great!Stronger than ever!I’m here relaxing @ home enjoying ur messages!I feel the love!Thanx for all!peace Ricky Martin, now the iPad. Is anything not coming out this week?

theboygeorge (Boy George): I’m so gay too but it feels wonderful! Boy George finally comes out too.

mariahcarey: Be clear..If anyone who works for me (even if we’re kool)trys to “april fool” me they are so fired. Whoever says Mariah’s got over her diva status needs to get over themselves. She’s all about the fun!

adamlambert: Aaaaand yes, I kissed Kesha. It was fun. I hope future interviewers review these tweets. If not, they’re t**ts. Hahaha. We luurve a bit of juicy gossip but I thought you were gay?

JimCarrey: I think it was me who said, “Boredom is for those who are afraid to masturbate.” Jim provides an alternative to the long school holidays

Love to hear from you guys too so press the comment button at the top of the article.

Love & Peas

Perri x x

Hi, Perri Stilton here, back with more of twaddle from Twitter’s celebrity nest!

First off, I have to tell you a story I was told at the opening of LA Fashion Week last week that gives you a little insight into the absurdity of the entertainment industry in this town and how nobody really has a clue!

I was at one of the fashion after-show parties with my friend, the fashion-loving & sassy Amanda Ruis from the Agency, and, as you can imagine, she was in her element, introducing me to people I probably should have heard of before and talking about collections I probably should have seen before (I could beat her in a high-level celebrity exam but here she had me licked!).  She was so excited to meet Philip Lorca di Corcia, apparently “one of the greatest and most enigmatic photographers playing in both art and fashion photography over the last decade” (hard to disagree after ‘googling’ him) and over a glass of Dom Perignon he was telling us about the dismissive relationship his has towards the fluff of photographing celebs.

This is how the story went and try & imagine diCorcia in his best world-weary New York voice:

“The way it happened was…I was coming back from someplace, and they called me up, and asked “Would you like to photograph Sigourney Weaver?” and I said “Oh, alright”.  And they said…”So, what do you want to do? How d’ya wanna shoot it?” …and I was really working on something else, and I hate that question anyway…

So I was irritated and so I said, ‘I don’t know, I’ll photograph her with a f**king chicken!!’ and the editor turns to me & goes “That’s brilliant!” (cue flirty laughter from Amanda – lol!)

….And then i find this on the internet from his collection!…..LOL!

Anyhoo, back to the fluffy celebrities we know & love…. But again controversial British comedy actor Russell Brand shows us living in LA proves that it’s not just Alice who’s living in some weird Wonderland.

Russell Brand: “A surgeon who specialises in gender reversal just told me I’d make a good woman and gave me his card, like it was a haircut.” This kind of crazy nonsense happens everyday – You’ll get used to it, Mr Brand.

Jessica Simpson: “I’m thinking about getting a pet pig. Does this mean I’ll have to give up pork?” Dunno, but if we buy your album will you give up singing?

Ke$ha: “DAMNIT forgotTOBRUSHMYTEETH AGAIN. I smell like poo. Bummer.” Somedays I just wish Twitter had never been invented. Simply gross.

John Mayer: If I wanted to make a big impression my first day in prison, I’d walk up and punch the smallest, oldest dude in the face. With his latest outbursts about Jessica Simpson being “sexual napalm” and this pearl of wisdom either John Mayer is on some sorta deathwish or his publicist is his pet pig.

britneyspears: New BS Alert! See what bulls#!t The National Enquirer is printing now: www.britneyspears.com/rumors Britney is biting back with her very own method of outing the rubbish that’s printed about her. Good on her, I’d say.

Please leave your thoughts about the week’s celebrity news by pressing the “COMMENT” button next to the Tweet Dreams headline. Until next time, gadget!

loads of love

Perri x